Bittersweet

I think it is so unfair that we have bittersweet times in our lives. Give me sad. Give me happy. But quit giving me the mix. Like, "wahoo! Jordan's figured out his life and is going on a mission. I am so happy for him and so thankful!" Followed by, "wahhhh, Jordan's figured out his life and is going on a mission and I will miss him so much I might die." Seriously, this is not the Great Plan of Happiness we are living down here in mortality, it is the Great Plan of Goodbyes! And it hurts! And we will feel guilty for crying and wailing when we should be happy and thankful! And from the moment we are born, we are preparing to say goodbye to people and things we love deeply. And be happy about it. Hmmm...

I can't even begin to write how happy I am for Jordan and his excitement over serving a mission. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am to a patient and loving Heavenly Father who brought my boy back and put people in his life to give him hope and show him a way. I can't even describe the deep, complete joy I feel that he is serving a mission that he is so ready for. I can only say that it is matched exactly in the depth of sadness that makes my heart hurt and washes over me like waves at the ocean and makes me wonder if I can ever go in his room again without falling apart. There is no stopping this deep longing for just one more day before I watch this sweet, obedient, repentant, amazing young man walk away from his family and put his trust in the Lord for two years.

I need some perspective. I need some time. They will come. Until then....bittersweet.